i don't ask for someone to love me more than i love him

i need someone who love me as much as i love him.

get back to the reality,

i don't deserve any of it.

28-12-2011

time flies...

it's 28th December 2011,

which mean it comes to the year end.

looking back for this year,

what had i achieve?

frankly speaking...nothing.

nothing that i set for myself.

my new year resolution for this year is suppose to be save more money.

indeed, i spent more than i could imagine.

well, no regret.

money can't buy happiness!

:p

gotta start from zero again.

i think i better set my new year resolution for the upcoming 2012.

not sure whether its the end of the world,

but still...life goes on until the day it end.

:)

i wish i could be more strong in year 2012,

in everything i mean.

shouldn't be a coward anymore,

and i finally knew time won't stop because of me.

not sure will this be the last post for the year 2011,

anyway...Happy new year in advance.

Love,

mokunana.

:)

:(
What can I do anymore?

你明明知道我就是在等你一句＂晚安＂...
你明明知道，却还是做不到。

:(

千疮百孔，又如何？

99%的负面批评，又如何？

不是固执，只是执着。

坚持守着，不愿放手。

是因为真的爱.

...

原來，以為可以放下的放下，

其實一點都放不下。

言語永遠是最厲害的武器，

有些話...說了出口，傷害終究還是造成了。

勉強逼自己忘記，

終究還是沒辦法。

告訴自己，

永遠不可以因為一時的生氣或衝動...

就隨口把嘴巴裡會造成傷害的話隨便說出。

它，永遠會烙印在心裡。

偶爾還會隱隱刺痛。

你，明白嗎？

Boy: I broke up with her.
His Best Friend: What happened?
Boy: She’s just too much for me.

His Best Friend: What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?
Boy: Well,...for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes
locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl
under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..
Boy: Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy!
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..
Boy: But..Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..
Boy: I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her.
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I
see..
Boy: Well, she..
His Best Friend:You broke up with her
because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s
broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?
Boy: I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?
His Best Friend: You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S
what happened..

Good Morning!

How's your day?

How's your work?

Are you tired?

Had your lunch?

Had your dinner?

What are you doing?

What's happening today?

I miss you.

I love you.

Good night.

these sentence rarely pop out in your text anymore.

i don't even get more than 2 text from you a day.

every single small little thing meant a lot to me, you just don't understand.

i don need fancy present,

i need not your money,

what i need is your 'attention & effort'.

you never know.

it's been quite awhile after my last post.

any more to say?

dissapointment still accumulating as usual.

whenever i see sunlight out of my window,

immediately my window shut by unknown strong wind.

well,

stand strong and keep fighting.

you, just being you...

as usual.

:(

you love yourself more than anything else.

...

there's no point for you giving me infinite wishes...

yet, you don't put in effort and make it happen.

endless issue...
:'(
who can save out from here!!!

afraid i can't stand it anymore.
please tell you do appreciate me.



:(

i know im just too good in handling myself,
thats why u never have to worried about me for a single.
but, im still expect some from u,
after all, im still a female who expect some 'gan jiong-ness' from the bf.


shouldn't expect too much on a person who loves himself more than loving u - lesson to be learned.


i says i miss him & want to see him badly,
he says he miss me but he did not say he wants to see u.
do u still believe he actually miss u?
not persuasive at all.


i really don't know where i get myself the strength to stand still until now.


emo max!

倔强的以为我真的能改变你
看你装无辜的眼神 我很窒息
难道你没有看见 看见我对你的好
还是你忘了 那些数不清的爱情轨迹

你说我傻 傻在爱上只懂爱自己的人

If I don't put any smiley at the end of my text,

you know you've done something wrong.

I don't care about your 'imperfections,

I Love You because of them.

: )

If I got paid of caring you. I'd be a billionaire.

C: How often do you Skype with your boyfriend?

M: hmm...

C: twice a week?

M: No.

C: once a week?

M: No.

C: Once every 2 week?

M: No.

C: ......

C: don't you miss him?

M: i miss him...so much

C: don't you want to see him?

M: i want to see him...so much

C: then, why?

M: i just don't like i'm always the one who request for that. :(

C: don't he miss u too? don't he want to see u too?

M: i think he did...just it's not easy for him to spare out the time.

walk off silently...

谁能体谅我的雨天...

It's not what I feel about him, it's what I don't feel for anybody else

Happy birthday my Love - Han Tsing.

:)

The best thing in life is finding someone who knows all your mistakes and weaknesses and still thinks you're completely amazing.

:/

我是大傻瓜

I'm not ignoring you. I'm just waiting to see if you'll make an effort for once.

There are billions of women in the world but a REAL MAN is satisfied with only ONE

stupid nightmare

:(

stupid maxis & digi

:(

stupid stinky mushroom

:'(

YOU look like a FOOL!

~ The 9th month ~

picture speak everything.

:)

Distance may keep as apart but you are carefully tucked in my heart!

♥

if we ever meet again...

Who says?
Who says you're not perfect?
Who says you're not worth it?
Who says you're the only one that's hurting?

Fuck My Life...

freaking tired at the moment yet i couldn't fall asleep...

it's driving me crazy seriously.

:'(

frankly speaking, you know nothing about me.

or i would rather say u know nothing about him...

:)

its nothing about 'misunderstanding' or whatever so...

time tells and things changed.

well,

it is definitely no way to turn back to be like the same old time,

and we all know this well.

so,

no point to telling someone that i really close with or try to indirectly letting me know that am actually misunderstood on something for this particular person.

because it is none of my business anymore.

he will never exist in my friend connection again.

i hope it clarifies everything.

it hurts, but just can't stop loving.

:)

p/s: Don't trust too much. Don't love too much. Don't hope too much. Because that too much can hurt you so much.

never stop believing.

18.05.11

:D

well,

another monthsary!

tsk tsk tsk...

time flies.

and please look at the picture properly,

my boyfie dont seem like want to take pic with me eh...

never look at the camera!

LOL

most probably he loves the goat/sheep more than me!

-o.O-

Greeting from Melbourne

O.O

it's freaking cold in Melbourne,

i prefer Adelaide weather much.

nothing much in Melbourne,

relaxing myself everyday,

lepak-ing, waste time and stick with the boyfie.

been to Adelaide find Qooki,

she is still awesome as usual and she is coming Melb before i fly back to kl.

:D

we are so going to Brighton Beach...

hmm...hmm...

its time to get off and bath myself now!

adios!

原来并不是想像中那么地开心。

:(

=x

Say is always easier than done.

Don't promise when u know u can't make it.





I always forgive you.
I only want you to realize what you have done wrong.

:')

don't make someone your priority,
if you are an option for him.



:')

:(

You don't know how important is your call to me... :(

Overtime can't handle THEM

aloha peeps~

basically Overtime has become to be our...
erm...let's see i could find a better description...
No! i can't! so it will be our "Second home".
it sounds so 'alcoholic'.
Well! I am not but my fellow peeps YES!
^__________^

you know ah...nowadays alcohol is kind of 'need' to 'them' already.
just like those SMOKER out there you know?
but still, im do not encouraging YOU people to smoke or drink.
not good for health...like me very good girl...
drink occasionally is acceptable!
:p

so YA!
Overtime can't handle them right now!
terrible and messy max on last Friday night!
most of them gone case at 10plus!
its just 10 plus yet me and hansin just reached not long ago.
broke few glasses, talk out loud, climb up & down...
waitress all over us standby to clean the table and the broken glasses.
thats why i said 'Overtime' can't handle them!

glad that everyone still manage to go home safe in one piece.
phew~!
yet another big & happening one on this coming Saturday night!
Labour eve night in house party.
lucky it is a house event~ :p
too much for the week~ looking forward and holiday officially starts on Wednesday!
Goodbye work!
=)
-peace-

'It is addictive. Your body releases dopamine which is a 'feel good' hormone when you do something that is enjoyable. This is also the case for cocaine, sex, gambling, meth, ecstasy etc. Your body rises to the level of functioning with the it in your system and then you must use more and more to function. Marijuana works the same way. Some think it is not an addictive drug, but it is the habit you get addicted to. That isn't true. The DRUG is addictive.'

i do research on it and i try to understand.
try to convince, guess...
it ain't easy.

Easter week~

Papa: we have to go church tonight.
moku: O.O why? it's not Good Friday yet!
Papa: It's Last supper night! we have to go.
moku: O.O ohh kay.

I didn't know even last supper night we will have to attend Mass.
so it will be a 4 days straight mass for me.
Last Supper, Good Friday, Easter eve and Easter.
very Cool.

am feeling guilty im not able to do my confession before Easter.
:(
i feel like im full of sins now.
urgh... gotta pray for forgiveness later tonight.
but, no matter how many times i did for confession,

still i don't think i deserve any forgiveness & mercy from the god.

im such a sinful person.
:(
-peace-




wondering is bun really getting me bunny choco or he jus simply say for fun?
i doubt.
-________-

sometime,
i would think that...
are you trying to challenge on my limits of patience and temper.
:)

* Seven *

♡ Happy 7th month ♡

Baby,

I just want you to know,

my love to you is getting deeper day by day,

it's not fading even though we are far far away from each other.

I do appreciate every moment when I am with you.

I ♡ you, and I really do.

but, no matter how much i Love,
supply only from one side is never enough to maintain a relationship.

you selfish.

- back from Hong Kong -
:)
slightly darker thanks to the hidden Sunshine in Hong Kong.
gotta hibernate at home to whiten myself back.
:p


Hong Kong- the shopping paradise, agree with me not?
but gotta make sure you do enough saving before you go.
if not end up u can only "see & touch" but cannot "BUY"!

oh oh oh... not to forget food there is damn expensive too!
and I really love their SaSa outlet there,
variety of choices and with cheap price!
:D
the most important thing is...i managed to get all the things i want in HK.

• ♡ wallet ♡
  
  
  

• ♡ shoe ♡
  
  
  

• H&M & Bershka is ♡
  
  

• ♡ Birkenstock ♡
  
  

• ♡ Skin Care ♡
  
  

and thanks to Hong Kong,

im so regret to get myself a Coach Pouch.
*dislike*
im so so so so REGRET now x100000000000 times.
:(

however,
a nice trip still.
aww~ i miss Curry Fishball already~
:p
-peace-

每一次，
你转头，
就会看见我。

每一次，
我转头，
都有可能会看不见你。

原来，
你都觉得是小事。

原来，
对你而言有点像是无理取闹。

原来，
100%的相信，
100%的体量，
100%的原谅，
100%的尊重，
100%的自由，
100%的付出，
100&的关心，

换来的却是，
偶尔的有心。

有时候，
要的东西其实很简单，
可以说是微不足道，
可是，
就是无法履行。

有心还是无心，
我不知道。

自私？
只能说爱自己胜于一切。

距离不单单把我们拉远，
也把我仅有的5%沟通时间减到只剩1%。

可否试着花10分钟，
站在我的立场为我想想？

I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes.
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don't realize how much I love you.

my star~

The Star & me...
we met back in year 2009 in Adelaide.
a peaceful yet happening city.


my first impression towards her is 'so-not-good'.
:p
i find her very "lansi" kind of people (exactly same as me)
so when lansi meet lansi...it definitely won't click well.
we don't seem close until we met again at Segamat.
Chinese new year 2010, she drove her stream out and pick me up at this restaurant after my reunion dinner with my relatives.
we went to a cafe and had some drinks.
still, we are not close.


Thanks to Qooki.
when qooki fly to Adelaide study,
i actually text-ed star to take care and look after my sis...
*lol*
and here it goes...my qooki and star click very well.
we started to get close on last year when i fly to Adelaide to visit qooki.
ever since then, we getting closer day by day.
we spam each other fb like nobody business.


End of 2010,
star back from Adelaide for good.
she is in kl most of the times and we spend our days together like 5/7 a week.
we whatapps, we text, we talk, we listen...
we drink, we party, we shisha, we hang out...
thinks we are so used to be with each other now~
:D
a very good friend and good companion of me!


we are the same kind,
we always get ourselves hurt and we tends to recover within a day or two.
we are loyal in our own relationship and we were both stupid.
hahaha...
this is the star of mine and i appreciate her a lot.


lastly,
i dont wish to see her sad yet nothing much i can do for her.
but i jus want you to know,
whenever u needs me, i will definitely be there for you!
I Love you much baby~
*cip*
:D

April i like

: )

oh yea~
* a glimpse of eye *
It comes to the fourth month of the year

i have a pretty pack schedule for the month of April.
first of all, am flying to Hong Kong this coming Saturday.
F-I-N-A-L-L-Y
it's like after so long i get to visit HK again!
going for 5 days 4 nights trip and might spend a day "swim" over Macao again!
gotta shop for Naraya & i miss Curry Fishball!

After my HK trip and gotta work for another week plus,
then off...here comes my 1 whole month medical leave~
:x *oopss*
might goin Singapore with the father during the beginning month of May.
we are goin there to watch "Lion King"...LOL
but this is not firm yet because the ticket is so "HOT" & "SELLING FAST".
if we able to get the ticket then i will off to Singapore.
^___^

Last, the most important one.
im flying to Aussie, AGAIN~!
oh well~
first stop would be Melbourne, pay a lovely visit to my sweet bun.
then will fly together to Adelaide to visit my Qooki!
can't wait for it.
i really wanna get myself out of this country and have a good rest!

:o
eyy...it supposed to be my medical leaves,
but throughout the whole post it seems to be more like my travel leaves ya.
lol...
by the way, surgery on the 27th April and 4th May so no conflict.
but will need to take up a month rest for my pretty eyes. :P
so decided to spend the holiday wisely by traveling around.
hehe~ till then and off i go~





























* story of the day: moku is soft like a tofu *

:(

why can't i be more considerate
why can't i be more understanding
why i don't have endless patience


:'(

last night started to feel the pain inside my mouth,
out of sudden my mouth gums swollen this morning...
hardly to swallow my foooooood during lunch time.
and now i barely talk!
>:(

- bad luck moku -

Quarter end closing is killing me slowly...
OT start from last week and hopefully will end tomorrow.
:(
working so hard...thought of going home and relax myself...
guess what?
i got screwed by my dad because i cancel my Credit Card.
=..=
FML

no matter how hard i try,

i will still get mad at the same thing over and over again.

-off to bed-

if one day I am leaving,
it's not because I don't love you anymore.
indeed, I Love you...too much, that's why i am leaving.













这是我的温柔，
给你全部，全部，全部自由...

d.e.p.r.e.s.s.










:(
i stand firm at 1st...
but without any support...im collapsing soon.
imma going to do confession later.
peace.

-O.O-

not seeing him for almost 2 weeks already,
thanks to the stupid connection.
and,
i really miss him a lot.

with the poor-lousy-connection,
limited phone call & text,
limited communication,
and etc...

Erina was wondering how can i make it for this relationship.
for sure, i feel depress sometime.
i do angry...but not at him...
but blame everything on the fact that we are having LDR right now.

i don't know. but i always think it works.
as long as i try my best, i put in effort...
and most importantly...I love him.
:3

its not long but i wont say its short as well,
time tells...whether does it work.
:D

before ending this post...

*middle finger* to IBM.

imma quit anytime soon~!

Stupid connection

super expensive call & text rate

and why always got so many friend request one...

hmphhhhh~!!!

>:(

:'(

i miss him badly.

Fuck my JOB...

>:(








hardly to put myself sleep last night,
been thinking a lot...as in everything.
i think im stuck...
feel like there is something is not right,
yet don't know whats goes wrong.
:(
















i need him badly,
i miss him badly,
i want him badly...

:3

We miss him so much.
:(

it's all about him him him him~

Happy 'half year'

am actually blog according to Melbourne time now.

:p

as per title, this post should be 'it's all about him him him him'~

he is in Melbourne now

he loves game more than anything

he smoke like it is the end of the world tomorrow

he need a lot of foods

he need a lot of sleep

he is metal fans
he is lazy (always last minute)
he is blur (sometime)

he don't really spend but he always spend on 'something' i don't agree with

he cannot stay home, he must have to go out

he always don't have much time to 'layan' the gf

he don't call the gf

he always reply the gf msg late

he don't care as much as the gf do

(he cares...not showing out maybe?)

he always fool the gf

he loves bullying the gf
he is forgetful
he always made empty promises

BUT, at the same time...

he don't drink much

he is patient

he is good in handle his moku

he is funny

he knows a lot of thing that the gf don't know

he teaches the gf a lot

he is sweet

he sayang the gf a lot

and,

he is my 'precious'.

hoping one day things will change and get better.

:')

i love him.so so much.

Happy Birthday to all the March baby around me.
:3

Just celebrated Christy and James birthday at Neway,
and am going celebrate my girl (Janice) birthday on the coming Saturday!
:D

too much outings for the month of March,
and it actually fully occupied my times but it cost a bomb to my wallet too.
:(

at least, it make my time could pass a little bit faster...
meaning that the day im flying to him is getting nearer.
Can't wait!


Got myself 3 books in MPH.
to get ready for the up coming 1 month medical break,
since nothing much i can do,
Laptop is not prohibited but with 'limited access' :p
can only do some 'light' activity which i think reading is the best~
cannot let my eyes too tired.
:D



1. The Five Love Languages






















2. A Touch of dead






















'


3. Last Night at Chateau Marmont



































stupid connection again,
i got urge to go and burn his hostel off.
:p
oh!
and the "girl",
i shall record it down here as well~
lol.

Because even if you decide to let go, a part of you still won’t.





this is so 'true'.









:D
yet another day gone,
i miss him a lot...still!

:)

Just testing out this new apps~
I can finally blog with my iPhone! :D

It's 12:31am now and I hardly put myself to sleep!
so "devil" like me...
am actually called my bun up although knowing that he got morning class tomorrow and it's already freaking 3am Melbourne time.
=.=
but my bun is sweet enough to 'layan' me a bit~
i just miss him so much and wants to listen to his voice~
and i actually feel lot better after the call with him.
=)

he might seem to be not a 'good' bf in the other eyes,
indeed, he is the 'perfect' one to me~
guess only him can stand my clumsiness, stupidity & blur-ness~
lol... :p
and i do love him a lot~

FYI

Hello,
if you, you or YOU happen to see this...
me not being anti-social, seriously.
me indeed very friendly. :D
*lol*

me- just simply don't like...

(i) MSN chat,
(ii) FB chat,
(iii) skype chat,
(iv) whatever chat...

of course, me do chatting...
but only with certain peoples that me really close with.

me Filter my friend list in Facebook, twitter & foursquare very often.
because me don't likey any "unknown" "colleague" or "not-so-close" to stay in my friend list,
:p

anyway,
me still very friendly after all.
so please talk to me if you bump into me somewhere~
haha

oh!
sorry for putting in so many "me" in this post,
me just simply like it.
so,
take me or leave me!
:D

its not about the age,
i know im big enough.
i just can't get rid of that bitch.
>:(

but it doesn't mean i do not know how to think,
it doesn't mean im not mature enough,
it doesn't mean im not forgiven,
it doesn't mean i always driven by my emotion when i do things...

do you all actually understand me?
you don't know how big the impact is,
you don't know how i digest it all and learn to accept.
but,
im jus accepting the FACT because i don't have the power to overwrite.


no matter how,
i still loves you.








:D
2 more months to go......
can't wait!

you don't know,
it hurts so much...
:(


it takes few minute to put on a nail,
but when you remove it,
it might take years to recover from the scar.


i love him,
thats why i always forgive & forget.

不要认为他爱你便不会离开你

在你的一再伤害下，他也会离开，因为你不懂得珍惜，

不值得他去爱。懂得珍惜，才能懂得爱情。

i love him,
im willing to learn and change, do anything to complete him.
he loves me too,
but he can't do the same to me.
:)

i fcuking tell myself that,,,
this will be the last time,
and i will get used ot it and get rid over it.
:)


我决意爱他，祝我愉快吧!

:)

went for eyes check up this morning,

the outcome wasn't that good but its not that bad too.

Doctor Hardeep said my black dots and the cornea is very close,

so if i go for the normal surgery, theres risk for me...

he suggested me go for the surgery where i have to lose consciousness throughout the whole process.

so he actually refer me to Doctor Chong- another eye specialist at Mid Valley to do the surgery.

not to forget, imma gotta rest at least 3 weeks for it to recover after the surgery.

hmm... i hope everything is gonna be alright...!

12 days after,

im seeing him later in a short while.
its time to recharge my "power bar"...:p

and,
there goes all my fear that i might need to face anytime soon.

:D

8.3.11

Collin's birthday it is~

Happy Birthday Darling~

you've got us with you...

don't EMO~!!

:D

hopefully i can see him tomorrow~

:)

can't wait can't wait!!

7-3-11
it's Shu Shen's birthday~




hmm...
another day without internet still,
at least he is using text put me to sleep.
:)
i miss him.

:p
glad to know that he actually cares...
so cute of him~!

2 months plus to go...

a peaceful saturday night.
finally, the sista is flying back to Adl tonight.
will only see her on August.
no more shiok kaki... :(


told the parents about the plan,
and they're ok with it.
gotta save more to cover up the travel expenses.
there will be not much saving left after the HK and Aussie trip.
hmm...gotta start all over again.
:(

told myself its ok...
as i can always earn the money back..
hmm...can't wait to see him~!!
:)


yet, its been a week.
still, no connection from his place.
i miss him badly.

4.3.11

Happy Birthday to you!

:D

♥ ERINA WONG ♥

another day without any connection...

i wish u were here with me.

baby, i miss you.

:'(

finally watched it last night with Hansin...
nice movie i would say...
:D

heading out to bro's house in a short while,
Erina darling birthday it is...
gotta give her a small surprise and throwing her a big celebration tomorrow night~
another excuses for the bunch to drink-drank-drunk***
tsk tsk tsk... :p

and i actually have to attend 3 birthday celebrations tomorrow in a day.
headache...***






another day without internet connection,
and still, i miss him damn lotssss.
:D

day 5

this is how i miss him...
:)






and,
damn the stupid connection again!
>:(

hope there's no more lies

i can take it once,

but not twice.

lie no more...

:(

it's kinda hurt and sad.




i miss you...

1st time heard of penalty charge for late enrollment.

he is blur
he don't know the public transport operation hour is different between weekday and weekend...
such a silly bun of mine... :p

and he got cheated for AUD20..
should have tell him earlier there's lots of 'em all around in Aussie.
lol



:c
his stupid connection...

:)

hopefully i can see him tomorrow.

he is at a place where the time zone is faster than mine place 3 hours.

:)

i miss him.

25.02.11

=')

Goodbye,
will be right here waiting.

i think i must be blind.
i love you for who you are...
i can accept but it doesn't mean im agree with it.

someday...in future...

i would want you to stop...
hopefully...you would stop it...for 'me'...

:) / :(

i will be alright.


















:)

:(

it's too much for me,

gotta settle it one by one.

the first one would be the eyes,

most probably check up on next week.

hate myself for being so fragile.

:(

am worried about it,

how i wish you are here with me.


and FML,
period and stomach cramp now.

18.02.2011

♥ I LOVE HIM ♥

Happy Valentine's day

14.02.2011

it's Valentine's day!
a lovely day for all the couples.

realized that i didn't celebrate Valentine's day for the past 2 years,
and will not be celebrating this year as well.
reason being is because the bf was far far away from me. *sob*
:'(

we actually missed quite a few of our "1st" occasion,
eg. Christmas, New Year & now...Valentine's day.
hmm... but, its OK! it doesn't matter!
as I believe we will have countless occasions that will be celebrating together on the upcoming days.
:)


Baby,
I Love You.
<3

~back from Macau~


i miss curry fishball so much~... :p

-off to Macau-