collapse

im actually having a hard time now.
i have be as natural as i can during the day time,
and i can only remove my poker face during the bed time.
when im hiding myself inside my blanket,
sob-ing quietly.

last night was a no-sleep night
whole body feeling hot and itchy,
thanks to the cat's flea...
now my whole body was full with the red big and itchy spots
dang!


i seriously think that i should let it go and move on,
but, mentally im not willing to do so.
i felt so heart broken and most of it - disappointment.


i experienced this once during the beginning of this year,
when he told me that we most probably will get back together,
when he told me that he still love me,
when he is giving me so much hope...
in the end, he choose to gave up on me and go to her.


i take some times to stand up again,
face him again.
he actually broke up with her before he went back to Adelaide.
And we seems like back to the same old time.
he take care of me, concern about me,
everyone thinks that we will be together, just time matter.


he told me he wont leave me unattended no matter what.
he told me :"you've got me, that's enough".
there is so much things...yet i remembered every single of it.


i kept all these inside my heart,
i kept it nicely and make sure i don't miss any of it,
im waiting patiently,
waiting for the perfect timing to arrive and we will hold our hands tight and walk for the rest of our life.


anyway,
i never expect for 2nd disappointment to hit on me.
again, my heart broke into pieces...
it is messy everywhere and i don't think it can be puzzle it back.
he said sorry...for giving me hope...
he is now actually having crushed on another HER
and he don't want to drag me anymore,
so he GAVE UP on me, once again.
he said he don't want to be unfair to me by treating me as a BACKUP.
he said he is actually taking a risk as well
its either he can get HER or losing both of us.


my tears flooding out when i reading on the text,
i felt like there is millions of needles stabbing on my heart and tearing it into pieces.
i couldn't stand it anymore.
i hardly stand up once again to believe we are meant to be together,
again, you pull me down.
this time, im falling even harder and hurt.
i don't know why are you treating me so mean.
why are you giving up on me so easily when there is another pops out.


when there is no one,
you call, you text, you care...
you needs me to fill up most of your times when there is NO ONE.
and now,
you don't even bother anymore by just sending a bull shit text to me.
if i don't ever ask you in the 1st place,
i think you will just keep quiet...


im telling you,
this time, im so gonna collapse...
i couldnt stand it anymore and i wont want to stand up anymore.
there is always hope but it is not with me.
do not blame me for being pessimism，
it is because you hurt me 2 times in a row.
thanks for your lovely lessons~